So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
