Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
