Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
