and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
