when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
