the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
