I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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