So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
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