I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
