capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
