We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize