allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm drive I can fine osifer
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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