Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
