and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
