Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My vagina is officially offended.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
