Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
