I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
