You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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