I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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