I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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