is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
