Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
