He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
