so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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