I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
