can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
