if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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