Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
