i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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