I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
