If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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