So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
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