i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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