My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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