He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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