Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
