You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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