kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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