We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
