i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
