I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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