boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
