This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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