We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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