Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
