Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Randomize
