im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
