dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
