so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
