Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
