I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
