tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
