Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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