the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
