but the lizard people decide everything anyway
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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