That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
