It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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