I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
