you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Randomize
