dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
