I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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