ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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