He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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