i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
