I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
