pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
