I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
