Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
This girl is more easily done than said...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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