i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
