just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
