She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
