Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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