And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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