You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
