he wants to bone in the snuggie
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize