My Higher Power is John Stamos
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
