you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
