filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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