Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
